Miss Manners: Tourist’s clothes — and attitude — need an adjustment

Dear Miss Manners: What is wrong with tourists looking like tourists? Do they expect us to pack fancy clothes?

A local tour guide chewed out all of us Americans for wearing shorts, halter tops, sandals and backpacks. “Would you dress this way in your capital?” he kept saying.

Frankly, yes — I would, and I have. It’s damn hot in our fine capital.

I’m tired of the hostility. We all know that it’s our money that supports the countries we visit. Tourism is a good thing. It’s a way to get to know foreign cultures.

Gentle Reader: A fair point. And Miss Manners totally agrees that it is ridiculous for tourists to be ashamed of being tourists. Some carry it to the extent of vilifying other tourists — as opposed to themselves, who identify as “travelers.”

But it is difficult to get to know a country when you do not know the language. And Miss Manners does not mean the spoken language. After all, English is widely understood throughout the world, and many tourists make an effort to speak the languages of countries they visit.

But Americans tend to be in denial that there is a language of clothes. Everyone claims to dress either for comfort or to express themselves, yet they are judging other people’s appearances by their clothes. And when having weddings, many go so far as to issue specific dress codes and are angry when these are defied.

In many other countries, there is more formality than Americans are used to, and violating this is interpreted as disrespect. To be sure, there are other factors prejudicing local populations against the tourists they attract, notably overcrowding. And some tourists give the rest a bad name by behaving badly, even destructively.

But traveling in lightweight, climate-appropriate clothing without flaunting body parts is not a difficult concession to make to local custom.

Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend is in a play this weekend. I want to do something special for him, but I don’t know what is proper. Please help. Is a corsage old-fashioned? What would be a good idea for this?

Gentle Reader: Sorry, Miss Manners would like to be of help, but a corsage is a bad idea. And not because it is old-fashioned.

Bouquets of flowers are usually presented only to female actors. However, during the curtain call, outstanding — or maybe just good-looking — male actors are sometimes pelted with loose flowers by their admirers.

You could do that if the gentleman in question does not embarrass easily. (And if he does, he should probably take up a different hobby.) But it might be better to do something less conspicuous.

If you can take a photograph of him in costume at a rehearsal or fitting, you might frame it, rush at him at whatever passes for a stage door, and beg him to autograph it for you.

A request for him to autograph a program will also do. The point is to behave like an adoring fan.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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