It’s not what I anticipated when my three grandchildren — ages 17, 20 and 23 — came to visit me before going to dinner. It was to celebrate my 86th birthday. (OK, how old did you think I was?) I realized having all three in my living room at one time was an opportunity. So, I asked these beautiful young adults, “How would you like to help me write a column?” They agreed to a collective interview. Here are the questions and some of what I learned.
1. What do you think of when I say the word aging?
One answer that surprised me was a “new life stage.” I said, “Wait, that’s my language.” They agreed, and I realized they had been paying attention … for many years.
2. What are some negative aspects of aging?
Their answers were comprehensive. “You are not as quick as you used to be and you lose some cognitive function.” They also added that aging can cause you to lose some hearing and vision and that you pay a higher price for disease. Additionally, they talked about being vulnerable to health issues, wrinkles and gray hair. And then there is the loss of muscle and mobility, flexibility and slower reaction time. They added a few more: losing independence, friends dying, slowing down and not being able to do the things you used to do. And some are grumpy, “but most are very nice,” was the final comment.
3. Describe some of the positive aspects of aging?
These responses were fewer and no less important. “Watching your family grow, having more life to live, usually being wise, having more leisure time and living your passion.” An added note was on finances: “Having time to save resulting in the accumulation of more money and in turn being more successful.”
4. What are some problems in society that relate to aging?
Several dealt with ageism. “Having someone criticize your driving ability just because of your age.” Others added, “believing older people lack technology skills and are not smart or capable. And scammers seem to find old people.”
5. And your definition of retirement?
“You don’t work anymore, or you work with less pay; it’s not for everyone.” Others added that it’s a time to do what you want to do, enjoy the latter part of life, see family and enjoy nature.” “It’s also a time to let go and give up a routine, which may result in losing some cognitive abilities.”
6. What do you think affects the way we age?
They got a lot of this right. “What you eat, your weight and activity level.” Also, our upbringing and not being cautious, which can result in falling.” Additionally, “too much sun exposure, smoking, drinking and how we contribute to community.”
Then, to my surprise, they flipped the interview and proceeded to interview me and asked me the following questions.
1. Do you feel the same as when you were age 50?
Yes and no. Here is what is consistent. My soul and spirit have not changed, and the basic belief in human potential, particularly for older adults, remains the same. I also continue to find it important to try to make a difference and am grateful for the opportunities to do so. However, there are some age-related changes, such as needing more sleep, some balance changes, and occasionally forgetting someone’s name or where I placed my phone. I also find it takes more time to regain energy after travel, demanding work or a heavy-duty social schedule. Finally, I have become more intentional and appreciative of each day, taking nothing for granted. Time is our gift.
2. What allows you to be so young?
The term “young” is a relative term; perhaps you mean active, healthy, etc. “Let’s begin with belief. I believe each of us has responsibility for how we age and the rate we age. We know lifestyle affects health and longevity. For me, fitness is high on my priority list, which includes strength training and exercises for balance, agility and reaction time. I lean towards plant-based food and fortunately have a reason to get up every morning. And of course, there are family and friends. Luck plays a big role.
3. What’s your advice to the younger generation?
Your current habits count, so keep up that healthy lifestyle and remember to give back. And of course, my general mantra: be kind, always.
So, what have I learned? These young adults have a point of view about aging. They are aware. Finding negatives about aging can be easier than finding the positives. I also learned that one never knows how many lives we might touch without knowing it. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since my adult daughters feel that they have completed gerontology 101.
Stay well, everyone, and don’t hesitate to be kind.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement, with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.