I spent three months in a domestic violence shelter last year, and it saved my life. But I only got there after waiting for a month, making call after call to a hotline and being told to wait. It wore me down, mentally and emotionally. This is still what hundreds of survivors of violence like myself experience in New York State, every day, looking for a safe place to stay — but it doesn’t have to be like this.
I was living with a girlfriend in Pennsylvania who had become violent towards me, and I knew I had to leave for my safety. I went back home to New York City, but I didn’t have anywhere to stay. I became street homeless, sleeping on the streets, in the subway, night after night. I was feeling so hopeless that I became suicidal.
I ended up in the hospital. There, a therapist told me about Safe Horizon’s 24-Hour Hotline, where I could ask for help getting placed in a domestic violence shelter. But every time I called, I was told that I had to keep waiting and to try again later. The problem wasn’t that beds weren’t available — it’s that the system wasn’t set up for single survivors without young children.
In New York, domestic violence shelters were built mainly for families — people coming in to shelter with children. When a single survivor of domestic violence gets placed in a room meant for a family, service providers take a financial hit because they are reimbursed per person, not per room.
Providers must make impossible choices to either remain financially stable, or to provide a room to a single adult survivor. It means single survivors like myself are often turned away. Single survivors tend to be older adults, men, LGBTQ, or survivors of trafficking — these are the communities left waiting for safety, even if a room with beds is sitting empty.
It doesn’t have to be this way. Domestic violence service providers like Safe Horizon have been advocating for the SAFE Shelter Act to be signed into law for years, which would update rules so that single survivors of violence can get real help rather than being a financial risk to shelter operators. This law would expand shelter access for single survivors so they don’t have to remain in unsafe situations, become homeless like I did, or have to enter unstable homeless shelters that lack trauma-informed support.
After making calls to the hotline week after week, I was ready to accept that I’d have to enter a homeless shelter. At last, though, Safe Horizon found a space for me in a domestic violence shelter, and I was able to enter the same day. I stayed in the shelter for three months, where I worked through counseling with a supportive social worker. I started feeling more positive and confident about my life, and believing that things could and would get better.
After my shelter stay, I was able to obtain employment and move into my own apartment. It’s been such a big change from where I was just a year ago, and I feel so much more encouraged today.
More survivors deserve this same chance to find stability and healing. Domestic violence shelters are life-saving — I would know. Survivors shouldn’t have to wait for safety just because they are alone, and they shouldn’t be turned away from shelter beds that are sitting empty, just because of an outdated funding model. Gov. Hochul, please sign the SAFE Shelter Act into law now — some survivors can’t afford to wait any longer.
Sonny J.M. is a domestic violence survivor.