Q. Whenever I get together with my older women friends, the conversation is about their ailments, injuries, doctors and medications. I often feel I am in a clinic or pharmacy. Do you have any views on this? L.G.
What you are referring to has been frequently called the “organ recital.” Clearly, there are benefits and disadvantages to such conversations.
Benefits. Dealing with an illness, injury or an acute episode can be frightening, particularly if we don’t know the cause. What makes matters worse is when the tests take time and you don’t hear from your doctor for many days or even weeks. It’s easy to go down the dark path of all of the possibilities, especially if you consult with ChatGPT. By sharing our story can derive a sense of security, helping to ground and regulate our emotions.
Furthermore, friends can offer practical help by suggesting resources or even help with transportation and meals. They can provide questions to ask your doctor or share similar experiences. An unintended positive consequence is that such conversations can deepen a relationship with family and friends, demonstrating trust, understanding and caring. And finally, discussing a medical concern can reduce stigma around certain illnesses.
It’s not unusual to discuss medical issues with folks you speak with on a regular basis. These conversations might be “what’s new?” or “I know you weren’t feeling well, so how is it going?”
Older adults often are criticized and made fun of for these “organ recitals.” Dr. Louise Aronson, noted geriatrician, author, and professor of medicine at the University of California, San Francisco, School of Medicine, offers another perspective. She notes that when those aged 50 and older are criticized for discussing medical concerns, it is a form of ageism. She explains that when parents talk about their children, sometimes excessively, they are not criticized to the same extent as people age 50 and older who are doing the same about their health concerns. Aronson gives us food for thought.
Disadvantages. Excessive focus on health concerns can begin to define a relationship with others and potentially define us. When I recently spoke about aging to a support group, a cancer survivor was keenly aware of this and said, “I don’t want cancer to define who I am; I am the same person.” And then there is the unwelcome dialogue when others suggest possible causes, affirming existing fears and creating even more anxiety. That includes sharing alarming stories and giving inaccurate or inappropriate information. There are also privacy concerns when you no longer have control of your own story. These excessive conversations can deprive the individual of opportunities to experience some of the good in their world. And finally, our friends and family may become emotionally exhausted if medical issues become the exclusive focus of conversations.
It’s the balance. There is no right or wrong amount of time to talk about medical concerns. We know that no one gets through this life alone. We all need some support at some time, particularly when facing tough medical issues. Here are some guidelines that might be helpful to those who want support and understanding.
- Choose a few trusted people.
- Set aside some time to talk about something else, such as family updates, activities, hobbies or even current events.
- If the anxiety is high, discuss it with your physician. Also, consider seeing a therapist.
- Rely on your primary physician for advice.
- Ask yourself, “Do I feel better or worse after these conversations?” “Am I calmer or am I more worried?”
One area we have not discussed is the issue of medication side effects, also a frequent topic of conversation. In some cases, patients have to recover twice, once from the disease and once from the medicine, according to Dr. Wm Osler.
I recently had the opportunity to interview Hedva Barenholtz Levy, a pharmacist who specializes in working with older adults residing in community settings. She is the author of the book, “Maybe it’s your medications: How to avoid unnecessary drug therapy and adverse drug reactions” (2023, Skyhorse Publishing). She indicated “the use of potentially inappropriate medications is associated (with the cost of) 7.2 billion dollars annually.” That’s not addressing the human toll. For my next column, we’ll discuss this topic further.
L.G., thank you for your important question. We may be the person sharing our medical narrative or the listener. Both roles are important.
Stay well and know that no act of kindness is ever wasted.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.