You are on an airplane chatting with your seatmate, who is a grandmother going to New York to visit her grandchildren. With ease, she whips out photos of the precious newborn, her beautiful daughter graduating from college, and her handsome grandson playing soccer for his high school. We grandparents are proud. They are our legacy.
In 1979, President Jimmy Carter made sure that grandparents were honored and remembered by declaring the first Sunday after Labor Day as National Grandparents Day with three purposes: to honor grandparents, to allow grandparents to show love for their grandchildren, and to help children become aware of the strength, information, and guidance older people can offer.
National Grandparents Day was celebrated on Sept. 13. Although I am late this year, the day is sufficiently important to mark the event.
Here’s a small grammatical point that is an intentional omission. Mother’s Day and Father’s Day have an apostrophe. National Grandparents Day does not. That is because Marion McQuade, founder of Grandparents Day and mother of 15 children and 43 grandchildren, did not envision the holiday as belonging to grandparents. She saw this day as more inclusive, a day to celebrate the entire family, to connect the generations, and for grandparents to confirm their loving legacy that will benefit future generations.
If you wonder why we care so deeply for our grandchildren, it all began a million years ago in the plains of Africa, writes geriatrician Dr. William Thomas (“What are Old People for? How Elders Will Save the World,” VanderWyk & Burnham, 2004). “A mother gave birth to a hominid child after a long and exhausting labor. She barely had enough energy to nurse her baby and not enough energy to feed or care for her other children.”
“A miracle occurred,” writes Thomas. The maternal grandmother came to the rescue and intentionally shared her food with her grandchildren. It was a defining moment that created a new pattern of support that carried over to other families.” Humans are one of the species with grandparents who deliberately help raise their grandchildren. Orca whales and elephants do the same.
Here are a few facts about the 65 million grandparents in the U.S.
Grandparents’ age. The average age of grandparents is 68 years. On average, grandparents are 50 when they have their first grandchild.
The grandparent economy. This refers to grandparents’ financial support and care of their grandchildren. Overall, grandparents provide an estimated $731 billion in annual unpaid care of grandchildren, a labor contribution that families and the broader economy rely on but do not formally count.
Grandparents as financial support. Nine in 10 grandparents spend money on their grandchildren, contributing an average of $2,654 annually. They are most likely to spend on gifts for birthdays and holidays. They also spend to cover essentials such as clothing, food, school supplies, childcare, camps, and family travel.
Essential technology. For grandparents who live more than 50 miles from their grandchildren, technology continues to be their key to connection. More than three-quarters of grandparents rely on texting, video calls, social media, and family group chats to stay connected.
I had the opportunity to speak with some grandparents about what they found to be the best thing about being a grandparent. Here are some of their responses.
- “I see them as a continuation of me. And I take full credit for their success,” said with a smile.
- “I love the role of ‘piquing their curiosity to learn,’ such as going to the Farmer’s Market to try new food and hear new music.”
- “All you have to do is love them, and they love you back. You don’t have to raise them.”
- “You can watch them from a distance and see the world from their perspective.”
- “I enjoy their accomplishments without feeling a sense of responsibility, knowing our values and experiences as a family are going to be continued and remembered tangibly.”
- “Everything. And I do tell them what I am thinking because that’s who I am.”
- “I enjoy watching them grow up, something I didn’t have a lot of time for when I had the pressure of establishing a career.”
- “Becoming a grandparent is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
The role of a grandparent does not come with a job description. Yet a grandparent is a historian, role model, provider of emotional support, playmate, and a source of unconditional love. Let’s make every day Grandparents Day. I think we all could use a grandparent!
Stay well and know that kindness is never a waste of time.
Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on issues of aging and the new retirement with academic, corporate, and nonprofit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments at Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at HelenMdennis.com and follow her on facebook.com/SuccessfulAgingCommunity.