a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Beatrice Forman, Food & Dining Reporter
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Oh, this should be good. You go first.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Okay well then … during my junior year of college I was the bad roommate who let her boyfriend move in with her and her roommate.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Oh. What happened?
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>He kind of just showed up with his stuff on my 20th birthday, and I just let it happen? I will say, I wanted my ex-boyfriend to pay his share of rent … and utilities … and do the dishes, so while it may seem like your roommate may not be aware of the dynamic, they probably are.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>(But I may be projecting.)
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>I think this is something you have to talk about when you realize the relationship may be getting serious.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Also, if the roommate is paying his/her part of the rent, why would you be asking for the girlfriend to pay?
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>I actually think it’s an overstep even if you like the person because you didn’t sign up to live with them! I mean, in my experience my ex was a great guy: He cooked yummy dinners, was tall enough to get things down from the top shelf, affable, but he also wasn’t on the lease!
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Exactly. It’s about boundaries, not rent. So we have to figure out the best way to broach the subject.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>But I don’t think you can tell the partner straight up to pay rent — you need to make it a household conversation or empower your roommate to broach it. Otherwise, you’re inserting yourself in the relationship.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>I agree. I don’t think you ask the boyfriend to pay rent, especially if the rent is still getting paid. But you can set limits for how much time the significant other is there.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Or, if the situation really is that the partner needs a place to stay, you have to make it about fairness vs. just the money. Are they contributing enough to warrant all that space in the fridge? Should they be chipping in on cleaning duties too if they’re there so much?
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Elizabeth Wellington
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Beatrice Forman
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>That would’ve jolted me into realizing that the living situation wasn’t sustainable.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Yikes. Did she suffer in silence because he wasn’t paying rent, or because she didn’t have privacy?
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Wasn’t paying rent! We had a two bedroom, two bathroom.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Elizabeth Wellington
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Elizabeth Wellington
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Yo. Your person living here is making me spend more money. What gives?
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Call a household meeting and maybe phrase it as: “I’ve been noticing that your partner has been staying here way more often, to the point where they seem like a third roommate sometimes. Are you comfortable asking them to contribute more in XYZ ways” from rent to whatever else is bugging you.
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Elizabeth Wellington
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Like, you have no other problems but the leachy boyfriend, do you just pray they break up?
a]:text-blue-mid [&>a]:no-underline [&>a]:hover:shadow-lightmode px-4 font-medium”>Then I think you need to have a very real conversation about how your name is on the lease, the partner’s isn’t, and if they don’t start contributing … it might be time to bring this to the landlord.
