A quarter century later, the pain will never heal felt by the widows of three firefighters killed in a Queens hardware store explosion in what will forever be known as the “Father’s Day Fire.”
But over the decades since that horrible day, Anne Downing, Denise Ford, and Mary Fahey found something to ease their sorrow — a salve that has helped them face the two dozen Father’s Days since then. They found each other and forged an unexpected sisterhood.
Over the years the three became fast friends as they raised their now-fatherless children, eight between them.
“We’re just like sisters. We’re so blessed,” Downing told the Daily News. “Father’s Day is a very tough day for us. But we’re always there to support each other.”
On Wednesday, the three widows, their children and now seven grandchildren were back at the former site of the Long Island General Supply Co. in Astoria for a somber anniversary ceremony.
Firefighters Brian “The Chief” Fahey and Harry Ford of Rescue Company 4 and Firefighter John Downing of Ladder Company 163 died there in the June 17, 2001, fire and explosion.
Ford and Downing were outside the building at Astoria Blvd. and 14th St. breaking windows for ventilation when a wall collapsed on them, burying them under an avalanche of rubble.
During Wednesday’s plaque dedication and wreath laying ceremony, FDNY Commissioner Lillian Bonsignore called the three men “extraordinary firefighters and fathers.”
“Father’s Day is a day deeply meaningful for any family. But in the fire department, where so many have followed in their father’s footsteps, it holds even greater weight,” Bonsignore said. “On that day, these three men went to work. For their loved ones that day was forever changed in an instant.”
“That day will ever be etched in the hearts of the FDNY,” she added.
Anne, Denise and Mary take solace in how well, despite the tragedy that crashed down over them, their families have survived and even thrived.
“We never forget that day. It will go down in our memories,” Downing said, who faced a double tragedy: two years after her husband died, she lost their son to a childhood cancer.
“Between the 17th and Father’s Day are very tough days for us but I know in my heart John would just be so proud of the achievements of our daughter Joanne getting her doctorate in physical therapy,” she said.
Joanne Downing is now working at Memorial Sloan Kettering, where Anne’s son Michael died at age 5.
“She wanted to give back there so she applied there,” Anne said. “She’s married now and has a 1-year-old girl. There have been so many little achievements in every way.”
Speaking at Wednesday’s ceremony, Joanne, who identified herself as the “proud daughter of John Downing,” said it was surreal to realize so much time had passed “since our lives were changed forever.”
“We have grown up, graduated high school, college, found success in our chosen careers, celebrated at one another’s weddings and continue to share in the joys of our growing family,” she said.
“What it all comes back to is our incredible courageous mothers,” she added. “On this day they lost their husbands and had to take on the role of both parents. Your sisterhood inspires us all every day.”
Denise’s two boys, Harry Jr. and Gerard, both joined civil service. Harry Jr. is a firefighter at Ladder 108 and Gerard joined the NYPD and is now assigned to the 108th Precinct in Queens.
“What a way to make a mother nervous,” Denise joked.
Even though many assume the three widows knew each other before their shared tragedy, Denise met Mary for the first time at Downing’s funeral. The three women have been nearly inseparable ever since, especially when the anniversary rolls round.
“A couple of days before the actual date is the testiest time of the year,” Denise said. “We’re all amazed that we have to go through it and speak about it. It feels like nails on a chalkboard. But I think God’s gift for taking our husbands was allowing us to be good friends.”
“We’ve had a lot of sad times together but a lot of good times together, too,” she added.
“The children have benefitted as they became close to one another. I think its helped carry us through the tough times and the ups and downs … Our husbands can’t be replaced, but if something has helped me through life it’s these women.”
At the ceremony Mary Fahey said that the last 25 years “feels like a lifetime and a single heartbeat.”
“You are deeply missed at every milestone and every day we wish you were here,” she said to the fallen firefighters. “But with loses there are gifts. We would not be here today without the sisterhood we share with all the widows. We are grateful. The one common thread in the fabric of this tragedy is love.”
The widows often go on trips together and make it a point to meet for lunch at least once a month, Mary told The News. The sisterhood has grown, adding Tara Stackpole, the widow of FDNY Captain Timothy Stackpole and Rose Ellen Dowdell, the widow of Lt. Kevin Dowdell. Timothy and Kevin both died on 9/11.
“A bond is not a strong enough word,” Mary said. “I can answer all of their questions. I know these women like the back of my hand.”
“We’ve learned together not to sweat the small stuff and be grateful for the little things in life,” she added. “Everything good has a sweeter taste because we know how easy it is to have it taken away from us.”